Archive for the ‘Intention’ Category

May You Get What You Deserve

Monday, March 26th, 2012

I’ve been seeing a lot of pins on Pinterest with messages like “You Deserve Everything You Want” and “You Deserve to Be Happy” and every time I see one, I make a face and click away.

You see, as much as I think you are amazing and precious and inspiring, you really only deserve one thing, we all do. You don’t deserve what you want. You don’t even deserve to go after what you want. You deserve the *opportunity* to go after what ever you want.

A Learning Curve

What You Deserve Bag zazzle_bag
If you like this thought, take a peek at the Social Caterpillar store

Because even though it’s worth it, going after what you want is often complicated and difficult, if it wasn’t, you’d probably already have it. And sometimes for whatever reason you have to choose between opportunities. And, on occasion, even though you deserve it, the opportunity has passed or never existed.

People who have a positive outlook find more opportunities than those who have a negative or neutral outlook. And the  good news: you can learn to have a positive outlook.

  • When something crappy happens, look for any good sides, even if it’s just that whatever happened wasn’t worse.
  • Watch what you say. The more you say things like “it’s just my luck”, “this always happens to me”, and “people suck”, the more you reinforce those beliefs.
  • Remember that each event is individual, just because you got splashed by a mud puddle, doesn’t mean that the rest of the day is ruined.
  • Look for the grey, you are not perfect, no one else is either. And the converse is true, you’re not all bad and neither is anyone else.
  • Try laughing when things go wrong. Being irritated doesn’t make whatever it is any better, but laughing at the absurdity can lessen your stress.
  • Take a look at the company you keep. Are your friends positive people?

The Tiniest of Baby Steps

And you can just start with noticing, you don’t have to change anything right now. Or ever if you don’t want to, but if you don’t want to make some changes, this may not be the blog for you.

Fair warning: making these changes will change how you see life and the people around you. I love my life and see so many options and opportunities around me. But, earlier this year, I had to leave a party because every time I asked someone how they were doing, they answers were all the same: “Surviving”. While it’s certainly better than the alternative, just surviving is so far below my line of sight, I really didn’t know how to respond. I still don’t. I want more and I want to be around people who want more.

So tell me, what opportunity are you looking for right now?

Want to receive small comfort zone stretches and resource recommendations every couple of weeks? Sign up for Inching Along and I’ll send you one small (possibly even fun) challenge that you can easily accomplish plus other nuggets that I find.
You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

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Gathering is not Harvesting

Saturday, December 17th, 2011

I spend a lot of time planting seeds, making experiments, trying new things. Mostly, just to see what happens next, to see how I react, how I feel. This is a whole lot like when a three year old plants seeds. Sometimes they are seeds. Sometimes, they are dimes, or roasted coffee beans, or mom’s earrings.

I plant with no real intention of harvesting. Sure, I’ll come back and gather whatever fruit has fallen from vines that sprung up near my plantings. Did diving lead to volcano boarding lead to watching the sun rise from the top of a Carnival float? Or would I have done each of those things without having done the one before.

I have no idea.

Experiment v Intention

This year has been about experimentation for me. It’s been great and I’m thrilled about my experiments. Now, I want more. I want to have a goal. Or several. I’m not ready to share them yet, though I will. They’re still tiny sweet things.

I can’t stand resolutions. I don’t make them for one simple reason. Resolutions are wishes.

  • I’m going to lose weight
  • I’m going to go out more
  • I’m going to get a better job

How much weight are you going to lose? What’s your nutritional plan? What’s your exercise plan? What is your motivation to lose weight?

What does ‘more’ mean? Who are you going out with? What do you want to do? Why do you want to go out more?

What kinds of jobs are you looking for? Do you have the skills you need? How will you get them? Where will you look for jobs? Why do you want a better job? What are your deal-breakers?

Goooooooooaaaaaaaaal!!!!!!!

Goals are measurable:

  • I’m going to lose twenty pounds by June. My first nutritional changes are swapping unsweetened herbal teas for my sodas and changing three meat based meals into vegetarian meals. My exercise plan is two to three pilates classes a week and a daily twenty minute walk at lunch. If I haven’t lost three pounds by February (unlikely) , I’ll make more nutritional changes.
  • I’m going to go out with Sarah and/or Kim twice a month. I’d love to meet new people and get to know my town better, so we’ll go out to classes once a month and try a new restaurant or bar once a month.
  • I’m going to get a job as a nurse. My first step is to apply to nursing schools nearby. I want to have a steady paycheck and help people. I won’t take a job in the ER, it’s too high stress.

Time to Share

Okay, I’ll let you in on one goal for next year. I want to try public speaking. I’m pretty sure that unless you’re new here, you already knew this. (Hi new people!) That’s my seed. I’ve even found my first step, going to try out a few Toastmasters events. I’ll chose  one or two to attend regularly. I’ll apply to speak at Ignite Austin, TEDxSMU, 140 Conference, and Blog World Expo.

I’ve got a license to teach Unfolding Your Life Vision and Dream Box (not out yet) from Jennifer Lee, so I’ll be putting myself in front of small groups on a monthly basis too.

What’s your goal for the upcoming year? How will you know if you’ve made it?

Looking to stretch your comfort zone in tiny ways and pick up some resource recommendations? Sign up for Inching Along, and every other week I’ll send you one small (possibly even fun) challenge that you can easily accomplish plus other nuggets that I find.
You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

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Permission

Friday, November 25th, 2011

It’s okay to be overwhelmed.

It’s okay to need a nap or a ‘nap’. Either one.

It’s okay to go for a walk to get away.

It’s okay to go home early.

It’s okay to take care of yourself, however that needs to happen.

*Hugs*

If you’ve got things that work for you and you want to share them, please do, but no pressure.

Want to receive small comfort zone stretches and resource recommendations every couple of weeks? Sign up for Inching Along and I’ll send you one small (possibly even fun) challenge that you can easily accomplish plus other nuggets that I find.
You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

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Having Tea with Your Fears

Monday, November 7th, 2011

A few month’s back Marie Forleo did a video on Partying with Your Fears. And I wondered (on Twitter) what my followers thought about it. I didn’t hear a peep from them and I’ve been letting the idea stew in the back of my mind ever since.

Because, let’s face it, I’m generally not one to ‘party’ with the things I like, much less the ones that freak me out. Having tea, on the other hand, I do that all the time.

Tea Time?

When I get overwhelmed I tend to walk away and have tea. What if, on occasion, instead of walking away, I took the fear with me. We could have tea and maybe cookies and talk about what the fear is worried about.

I have no idea if this will work, but I like the idea and I’ll let you know how it goes.

Do you ever sit with your fears? How do you do it?

Want to receive small comfort zone stretches and resource recommendations every couple of weeks? Sign up for Inching Along and I’ll send you one small (possibly even fun) challenge that you can easily accomplish plus other nuggets that I find.
You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

 

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I’m Sorry, I Can’t Hear You Because I’m Hanging Up Now

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

On Necessary Roughness, there’s a character, Dani Santini, she’s a psychiatrist who fell into the roll of therapist for a football team and later, other high profile clients. She’s smart and funny and completely imperfect, which sounds like everyone I know and love. She has a line that I’ve heard her use a couple of times now: “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you,  because I’m hanging up now.”

Buh-Bye

Goodness, do I know that feeling. You know it to, right? You’re talking to someone who is not even close to listening. They act like if they just keep talking, you’ll come around to their point of view. Or they don’t even notice that you’re not agreeing. The conversation is less of a discussion and more of a monologue.

So, you sit there, quietly listening, biding your time until you can jump in and politely exit the call. Only, you can’t. There is no place to jump in, they’ve apparently mastered the art of inhaling while speaking.

Oh, See, I was Thinking About a Swift Kick

Sometimes sweet and gentle, just doesn’t get through. Sometimes calm and firm just works better. It’s scarier, of course. You might offend or upset someone. Though, I’m not sure that’s such a bad thing.

Why would you want to continue talking with someone who doesn’t listen? Why not just stop and say you’re done?

“I’m sorry, I don’t think we’re communicating very well. I’m going to get off the phone now. We can talk later.”

“I really don’t think this conversation is getting us anywhere. I’m going to hang up now.”

“I need a break from this discussion. I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk again. Goodbye.”

Gotta Go

Because sometimes you just need to hang up. There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you’re firm and calm about it. Walking away from a discussion that isn’t working can be as much a form of self care as yoga and a bath.

Being considerate, like so many other things, starts with yourself.

Have you ever walked away from a conversation? How did it go?

Have you been thinking about adding a few comfort zone stretching challenges to your life? Get those plus resources and other fun nuggets of info in your inbox every other week, sign up for Inching Along today.
You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

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You Get to Call the Stops

Saturday, October 22nd, 2011

You know something? Just because you start something, doesn’t mean you have to finish it. You don’t have to finish it right then and you don’t have to finish it ever. And that makes it *so* much easier to start.

Sometimes, video is a better format for what I want to get across. And when I’m making the video, I enjoy it, but when I *think* about video, it feels like it just takes so much. Make notes, record, edit, upload, post… I’m as likely to wander off as I am to get started.

Not Even Baby Steps

Knowing that you can stop is a lot like chunking. Only, you don’t have to separate it into multiple steps, you just start. Then, you stop whenever you want. When I’m doing videos, I usually stop after I record. Then a couple days later I start again with editing.

It works with things like the dishes you didn’t do for three days, because you were so tired. You just start. Knowing that you can stop, whenever. You don’t have to finish right then.

Or making a big purchase. What if you knew when walking in, that you really could leave whenever you wanted? The dishwasher will still be there when you come back.

Talking, It Makes a Girl Tired

The other day, I took my bike in for service. It hand’t been ridden in forever and I wanted  someone who knew what they were doing to give it a once over and I am so not that someone. They called me and told me what they recommended doing. I may have confused them when I said “Let me think on this and call you back in half an hour,” since it probably seemed like a simple decision to them. I wanted time to stop and think. And taking that time made me feel more confident in the decision I made.

Making a practice of stopping makes it easier to stop when it’s more more difficult to do so. It wasn’t that long ago that I would have felt like I need to give the guy at the bike shop a final decision right then.

Do you make a practice of stopping? When do you like to use the idea of being able to stop?

Want to receive small comfort zone stretches and resource recommendations every couple of weeks? Sign up for Inching Along and I’ll send you one small (possibly even fun) challenge that you can easily accomplish plus other nuggets that I find.
You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

 

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Make the Right Thing also the Easy Thing

Saturday, October 15th, 2011

A few years back, I was working on building a food site, inspired in spirit by Ravelry. And, being me, I read every book I could find on social media, community sites, and a whole selection on various vague internetty topics.

One thought stuck with me, although the author’s name did not: Make it easy to do the right thing and as close as you can to impossible to do the wrong thing. Since I’ve been thinking a lot about my patterns and taking care of my self and my space, this thought has been popping up often.

Obviously, this works better in some cases than others. For instance: I’m still working on how to make it easier to go to dance class than stay in bed. But it may be simpler than it seems for other tasks.

The TV Vortex

Two and a half weeks ago I decided that I needed a streaming TV break. I was spending 10+ hours a week watching TV shows. While, at the same time, I felt like there weren’t enough hours in the day. I have things I want to accomplish and reruns of shows from when I was in high school were getting in the way of that.

So, I paid attention to when, why and how I watched my shows. I watched when I was feeling out of sorts, when I felt like I needed a reward, when I wanted to rest. I also watched when I ate lunch. And I always clicked on the link in my Most Recent Places menu when I opened a new tab.

Making the Easy

So, first, I made getting there harder. I removed all references to my site of choice from Most Recent Places, it is in fact editable. I started watching TED talks during lunch, they’re shorter and mostly really interesting. When I wanted a break, I started looking at my favorite food blogs (which, come to think of it, may be what started that cascade of food themed posts a couple of weeks back). Feeling out of sorts… tea and coloring should help that.

This is not to say that I haven’t wanted to watch a show. I have, but I want the space and time to come at it in a different way. And, the thing is, I do have to think about it. I can’t just click a button or two and be there. Having to make the conscious choice to type in the URL makes a difference, makes it a conscious choice.

Pattern Watching

As I write this I’ve got about two weeks left on my self imposed TV ban and I *am* getting more done. Watching those patterns showed me other patterns that needed revising. I figured out how to get my calendar to function in a way that I would actually use. My internet habits, in general, are shifting too.

And that thing about going to dance class instead of staying in bed, I may have found a use for that programable vacuum cleaner, besides cleaning the floors. I would have to get out of bed to turn it off (it’s too loud to run while I’m in the house), so it’s just as easy to leave as it is to chase the vacuum down and hit the off switch. If I ever get the vacuum, I’ll let you know.

Are there any ways you have employed Making the Right Thing the Easy Thing in your life? Are there any ways you could?

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Totem!!!!!

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

In August, I signed up for a Totem from Tori Deaux and she delivered this beautiful darling:

And I said to my self, ‘Oh, how cool!’ and then proceeded to get distracted by, um, I don’t actually know what all, anymore. I just have a vague feeling of dozens of things happening all at once. *sigh*

Here’s the text that accompanies my dear Wrendolyn:

Wrendolyn

(the not-so-simple wren)

Once upon a time, there was a great gathering of the Feathered Kingdom to appoint a new leader. Since flying was their greatest accomplishment, it was decided that whichever bird could fly the highest would become The King of Winged Things.  Eagle, of course, was a near certain winner, so he took off lazily, flying in circles up, up and UP, towards the Sun.

When he’d flown as high as he felt he could, he paused to declare himself the victor, but before he could speak? Out from under his wing popped the wren! She’d hidden herself there, hitching a ride. With a simple flap, flap, flap, she rose a few inches above the Eagle, who could only watch, stunned…. and she let out a little victory peep!

And that is how the humble wren became the Highest of the Winged Things.

If the Wren speaks to you as a totem, consider how powerful the humble and small can be, and how the larger, stronger and braver among your flock might lift you to new heights, and allow you to lead.

Wrendolyn is inspired by The Social Caterpillar, where Kathryn Hunter leads a merry band of introverts up, up and away, to new and higher horizons.

Self Care of the Quirky Sort

Wrendolyn conserves her energy and looks for the right opportunity to show her strengths. She makes use of planning and strategy, rather than trudging when no trudging is necessary. I’m especially happy about her qualities of Rest, Joy, and Creativity.

If you want your own Totem, Tori has a update list here, and I have it on good authority that she’s got an even bigger surprise on the way.

Do you have some type of totem or other representation that you use when you think about your life or business? What Qualities do you try to focus on in you life?

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

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What If and the Invisible Problems

Tuesday, July 12th, 2011

I got honked at yesterday. For crossing the street. When I had a WALK sign. Apparently, I *should* have gone faster.

 

Several years ago when I was just back at school after being diagnosed with a pain disorder, I had a workshop at school. I was there all day, on my feet, doing trial after trial with whatever technique the guest teacher was showing us. When it came time to walk home, I was exhausted and achy. I could barely move, so I shuffled my way towards the apartment one small step at a time.

 

While crossing a street on campus, a muscle car pulled up. The impatient driver honked, yelled at me to move faster and when I had crossed, he sped away screeching tires and all. Angry tears brimming I kept going, cursing his kind the whole way. And cursing the fact that I’d left my cane at home.

 Anti-Invisiblity Tools

Canes are exceptionally useful. Not only do they prop you up when you need it most, they tell the world that you have a problem and to please take care. No one has ever yelled at me when I have my cane with me. People scooch out of the way and open doors for me. They make an extra effort to be nice because they know I have a problem, even if they don’t know what it is.

 

Without my cane, I still have the same problem, it’s just invisible. I look like any other woman walking down the street. And that’s the thing, I am just like any other woman. We *all* have invisible problems.

And…

What if… the woman sitting through the green light in front of you isn’t texting her boyfriend? What if she just got word that her mother had a stroke?

What if… the man at the coffee shop who makes conference calls at full volume while you’re trying to write isn’t just a blowhard? What if he lost his job and is trying to make a go of it on his own and being loud and blustery is the only way he knows how to face the day?

And what if the guys who honked at me weren’t just being impatient and self involved? What if they were late or scared or excited? What if they had their own invisible problems?

 It’s Story Time

If we’re going to make up stories about the people around us (and we do it all day every day, anyway), why not make up stories that allow us to be generous? Because, really, we all have invisible problems, it’s part of being people.

 

Who does things that just irritate the living daylights out of you and what do you think their invisible problems could be?

Looking to stretch your comfort zone in tiny ways and pick up some resource recommendations? Sign up for Inching Along, and every other week I’ll send you one small (possibly even fun) challenge that you can easily accomplish plus other nuggets that I find.

You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:
We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

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Sculpting a Life

Sunday, January 9th, 2011

I’m not particularly good with schedules. Especially ones that start early in the morning. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to do things like go to bed at three in the morning and sleep until mid day which results in me feeling like I’ve lost so much daylight and also, the most productive part of my day.

An Armature made of… Ritual?

Rather than have a schedule, I’d like to build an armature. For those of you who haven’t used armatures before, I like this definition from merriam-webster.com:

d : a framework used by a sculptor to support a figure being modeled in a plastic material

Although, I’m not sure why they specify plastic material. (A lovely reader emailed me to discuss the difference between the various definitions of plastic. There’s the stuff your six year old’s jewelry is made out of, and there’s the more artistic definition being flexible, mouldable, soft. Something that I’m sure I knew in art school, but apparently slipped out of my brain.) Anyway, I want an armature for my life, but instead of building one out of wire, I want to build it out of ritual.

  • A morning ritual with Shiva Nata and my question and a healthy and locally sourced breakfast.
  • A sacred work space for all things related to this site.
  • A mid-day ritual with making lunch and letting my mind wander possibly letting my body wander too, something like a walk, but not so formal.
  • Dedicated time for day job work.
  • An evening ritual of making supper followed by reading (or listening to) books and other learning materials.
  • An actual bedtime preceded by meditation, possibly with a candle or incense.
  • One day per week where *nothing* gets scheduled.

That’s Quite a Block of Stone

The thing is, that’s a lot to implement all at once. I know this because I’ve made this plan before, or one very similar, and have never gotten it to stick. Whenever I feel overwhelmed by the way my life has been going, I come up with a plan like this. I’ve used bits and pieces before, but the distractions, they get distracting. And then the plan, it disintegrates.

Carving This Life a Bit at a Time

Scheduling it in a calendar has no meaning for me. Neither does writing it as a check list. So, I’m starting with one piece per week. We’ll see how that goes. First up, bedtime with meditation. I’m going to shoot for 11:00, since I’m writing this at 12:30 am and am not sleepy, I’m going to give one week for transition and one week for actual practice.

Feel free to ask me how this is going, on Twitter.

How strictly do you structure your days? What systems, rituals, armatures, scheduling do you use?

You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

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